Biblical Guidance For Choosing A Partner

  • The search for a life partner – someone to share joys, navigate challenges, and grow alongside – can be both exhilarating and daunting. In our quest for the “ideal” person, it’s easy to get swept away by romantic ideals or fall prey to societal pressures. Yet, amidst the confusion, the Bible offers timeless wisdom to guide us towards a fulfilling and God-honoring relationship.

Steps For Choosing A Partner

1. Choose Someone In Christ.

Don’t be unequally yoked with an unbeliever if you are born again- 2 Corinthians 6:10-12. So the will of God is that we marry someone who is genuinely born again if you are born again. Believer and unbeliever cannot work together. Unbeliever and unbeliever can work together, they are more compatible.

2. Choose Someone You Are Compatible With:

Can two work together except they agree? Amos 3:3. The will of God for us is to choose someone who we are compatible with in vision, doctrine and purpose for life. The individual may be a very good friend, someone you know to a great extent or someone you may not be too close to but you have watched and observed from afar.

3. Choose Someone With The Right Character And Attitude:

The Bible emphasizes character over outward appearances. Proverbs 11:22 states, “Like a gold ring or an ornament of fine gold is a lovely woman who has discretion.” While physical attraction is important, inner qualities like kindness, integrity, and trustworthiness form the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Look for someone who:

  • Demonstrates godly character through their actions and words.
  • Treats others with respect and compassion.
  • Possesses good communication skills and emotional maturity.
  • Is willing to compromise and work through challenges together.

A virtuous woman and a prudent man, who can find? Proverbs 31:1-30. The will of God for us to to marry someone who has godly and the right attitudes and characters. You must also have a good attitude and character too. When you see some warning signs in attitude, habits and character that does not glorify God, it is not the will of God for you.

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4. Choose Someone Who Can Add Value To Your Life.

One will chase a thousand and two ten thousand. Iron sharpens iron- Proverbs 27:17, Deuteronomy 32:30. The will of God for us is to marry someone who is productive and who can help us to become better. Not a liability but an asset. Choose someone who can cultivate you to grow spiritually, financially, socially, academically and otherwise. Not someone who wants to drag you backward.

5. Choose Someone You Truly Love:

Many waters cannot quench love- Songs of Solomon 8:7. The will of God for us is to marry who will truly love, this is not ordinary love, but divinely imparted love. One major way to know the will of God is an unquenchable love for an individual. Don’t ever marry someone you don’t truly love either because of pity, pressure or what the person may possess.

6. Choose Someone You Have Peace Of Mind For:

The will of God is for us to marry someone we have peace for not someone we are not sure of and also afraid of. And the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6. If you check and no peace continually, it is not the will of God for you.

7. Choose Someone You Are Medically Compatible:

The will of God for us is to have good health and so he wants us to marry someone who we are compatible with in genotype, blood group etc. Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth – 3 John 1:2.

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8. Choose Someone That The Spirit Of God Bears Witness In Your Heart:

When it is the will of God, the Spirit of God will make you understand that this is the way, walk in therein. And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left- Isaiah 30:21. It can be through intuition, inner voice, dream, revelation, lasting impression upon the heart etc. Know how God speaks to you. If you are not a child of God, you can’t be led to choose someone you are fully persuaded of and sure of after series of confirmations.Before you say someone is the will of God for you, you must be very sure and you must have confirmed with all the principles above, alongside others that I may not have mentioned here.

From every other person that may be close to you and you may be interested in, there must be one person that you have observed and also confirmed that all these principles I shared are connected to that person, which you don’t have for anyone else. Most times that person is the will of God for you.

9. Seeking Shared Values, Not Just Attraction:

Physical attraction sparks initial interest, but true compatibility lies in shared values and faith. Proverbs 19:2 reminds us, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Seeking someone who shares your core values, including your faith in God, creates a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. Ask yourself:

  • Do we share similar views on faith, family, and life goals?
  • Are we both committed to living out our faith in our daily lives?
  • Can we openly discuss and navigate differences with respect and understanding?
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10. Seeking God’s Guidance:

Finding the right partner ultimately involves recognizing God’s hand in your journey. The book of Jeremiah instructs us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Through prayer, seeking counsel from wise mentors, and paying attention to God’s leading in your heart, you can gain clarity and confidence in your choices.

Additional Bible Verses For Guidance

Galatians 5:13-15: “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

Ephesians 4:2-3: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”


The “ideal” partner is not a flawless individual, but someone who complements you, encourages your growth, and shares your commitment to God. Trust in God’s guidance, prioritize shared values and character, and be open to His unfolding plan for your life. As you navigate the journey of finding a partner, may the Bible’s wisdom illuminate your path and lead you towards a love that reflects God’s grace and faithfulness.

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